Using Vygotsky’s notion of intersubjectivity, discuss why it might be easier to talk to people of your own culture.

Vygotsky, a Russian academician proposed a theory called the Zone of Proximal Development in which he described his notion of intersubjectivity. In his theory, he identifies the importance of mediation in the development in the functioning of higher psychology (Broderick & Blewitt, 2014). According to his theory, any action in the development of a child’s culture is displayed on two occasions. The first instance is at the social level and then later at the individual level. The effects of this development are visible in both the child’s interactions with self and with society.  True to this theory, my ability to talk to other people and agree with them is dependent on my cultural background. My case is however not in isolation and is prevalent in majority of the people. I, just like other all people find it easier to talk to people of my own cultural background.

The need to associate with others is one that is common for all people and I am no exception. Regardless of the environment we find ourselves in, we are bound to lean towards the path of wanting to associate with others. Vygotsky puts it perfectly well in stating that persons are bound to collaborate with others on issues that they have not mastered at an individual level. When faced with this need to feel at ease with others, most people tend to easily speak to people of their own culture.

The main reason for this inclination is the need to identify oneself with the other person. The feeling of identity and belonging is usually enhanced when one speaks to a person that they share the same background with. In addition, one feels a better sense of belonging when they associate with people they have a common cultural background. There is also the thinking that people who share in your cultural background can give you a better sense of understanding because they can easily relate with your problems. One example of this scenario is when I felt it hard to leave my parents for just two weeks in the company of my brother and friends.

Relationship between early and later self development esteems.

The fact that my parents were always there for me is an important factor in self-esteem development both at a young age and later as a grown up. In particular, my mother was always there for me and would make me feel important by using nice adjectives in reference to me. She would never shy from saying that I was loved, caring, kind and sensitive and this gave me a sense of security and belonging. My confidence was always at par as can be evidenced by my ability to interact with people from many religious backgrounds. Today, my self esteem is high not because of my personal efforts towards building it but because my parents’ actions were important drivers. Had my parents not showered me with the praise and love that they did, then perhaps I would be a different person in terms of confidence and self esteem.

The teaching that my parents gave me was also a positive factor in building my self esteem to the levels that it currently is. Through their teaching and guidance, I was able to lead a rightful life and respected other people regardless of their cultural backgrounds. The family members were also there for me in times of need and this gave me the feeling that I was not alone in this world. My self esteem development can therefore, and rightly so, be attributed to the teachings that my parents taught me and the fact that they were always there for me when I needed them. In my later life, I can confidently say that the current self esteem is dependent on the self esteem that I developed back when I was a young child. For instance, I can now confidently take care of myself even when my family is thousands of miles away because they taught me how to take care of myself even when they are away.  The morals that they taught me developed my self esteem further and are the reason for the current development in my self esteem. Overall, I would be lying if I said that my earlier self esteem has no effect on my current self esteem development.

What is the impact of struggling in some subjects on ones sense of competence and industry?

I do remember back in lower school when I had so much difficulty in understanding the concept of algebra in Mathematics. It did not ring any bell in my mind how one can solve some formulas that are expressed as a mixture of numbers and letters. It really confused me how letters could, for example, be added to numbers when all along I had learned of numbers adding up to other numbers. In this regard, I always got the questions on the concept wrong and would usually get frustrated because I performed quite well in the other topics and subjects. Despite my struggle in solving the particular concept, my tutor was very supportive and would encourage me to keep on trying. Any time I failed in the paper, the tutor would call me to the staffroom and try and explain it to me.

Back at home, my mother would encourage me that the concept was easy and tell me to work harder so that I could understand it better. At that time, my confidence was below par and my self esteem was quite low. The fact that my classmates would laugh at me did not help matters and made me feel ashamed any time we had that topic in class. Despite this, my parents still pushed me to confront the problems and reminded me that I was a bright child who would not fail to understand the topic. Although this encouragement gave me more hope, it did damage my ego and the confidence that I had.

The impact of struggling with the Calculus concept affected my sense of competence as it made me feel inferior in class. Moreover, my industry was also affected in a negative way and I ended up not caring about the concept any more. While that was the direct impact on my life, the struggle affects me even in my later life simply because I have an inferiority complex. Sometimes, I feel like I am not good enough and always try to relate my failures today to the fact that I struggled earlier. It sometimes appears to me that I am not good enough to solve problems that confront me.  Even though I am very hardworking, the baggage that is that struggle may even make me not to apply for a high ranking job due to fear.

The fear of failure is still eminent in my alter life and has affected my sense of industry. Whenever I try doing something and fail, I give up easily and assume that I cannot give the best result. It pains me that I am not alone in this struggle. I am not oblivious to the fact that many children are suffering from the same problem and that their fate may be similar to mine. My advice would be focused on the parents and the teachers. It is important that they try and understand why the children are struggling in order to discern if it’s a phobia the children have. In addition, they should keep encouraging the children and hope that they will get better and overcome such fears.

Compare and contrast how you solved conflicts as a child in grade school and how you solve them now. How would you assess your level of perspective taking?

Back then when I was a young child, my response to conflict was poor and was mainly based on emotions. The level of perspective talking was generally very low and I did not accommodate views of other children and those of adults. I can remember many days when I would throw tantrums jut because my mother had denied me permission to go out to play. I did not stop to think why she had not allowed me to but out rightly viewed it negatively. I would cry and cry until such a time that I was satisfied that crying would not grant me my wishes. The emotional nature in which I addressed my issues was a negative factor in that it made me solve them poorly. In general my level of perspective taking was poor and weak.

As I have grown older, however, my level of perspective taking has improved over time and has only become better. I would rate it to be at the societal perspective taking level. In this age, I solve conflicts differently and the outlook with which I address them is different. For instance, whenever I am in conflict, I do not use my emotions but instead take a critical analysis of the problem. I can now accommodate other people’s views better in time of conflict having seen many different viewpoints. As such, I can now display a deeper understanding about other people’s thoughts, motivations and feelings.

Using the «Friendship Framing» introduced by Robert Selman reflect on each element in light of one particular relationship that you have experienced. For example, what is your primary interpersonal orientation, other or self-transforming?

One particular relationship that is reflective of my life is the one I have with my mother. The relationship stands out due to the fact that it is strengthened by the motherly love that is evident to date. Even when I am this old, I still confide in my mother regarding every problem and situation that I face in my life. The relationship is my primary interpersonal orientation and has affected my ability to accommodate other people’s views to a great extent. The understanding that my mother accords me pushes me to want to understand other people’s thoughts and beliefs. In this regard, I can socialize with people from different backgrounds and feel at home in their presence.

Where are the biggest discrepancies? How do these affect your self-esteem?

My biggest discrepancy is in making new friends especially from my friend’s side. I always take a lot of time before I can become friends with a new person and I feel that it affects my self esteem to a great deal. IT’s not such of a bother because I have many friends that am close to and I hardly lose friends. This fact cushions me against the possibility of being without friends just because I take long to make friends. Perhaps the reason for this discrepancy is the fact that I find it too hard to start trusting strangers before having known them long enough.

The discrepancy affects my self esteem because sometimes people think am too proud. Many times my friends’ friends have labeled me as an antisocial and termed my behaviors as strange with respect to making new friends. This may sometime affect my self esteem and lead me to think that am strange. However, my ability to keep and maintain friends for long periods is good consolation in times of these thoughts. Imagining that I can keep friends better makes me feel more important because it’s better to have few strong friends than many weak ones.

How did your peers contribute to your understanding of yourself? Explain.

In my many years, I have met many friends who have shaped my life for the better. In particular, there is this one best friend that was like a total replica of me. We grew so close to each other that hardly a day would pass without us talking to each other. The fact that she wqas just like me gave me little insights about myself because I could see myself through her. This has helped me understand myself better in many spheres of my life. Moreover, my interaction with my peers has helped me understand what I love and what I don’t like. For example, I can tell my preferences by how I react to suggestions to try out some things. How I respond to my peers’ suggestions is testament of my personal preferences and tastes and this leads to me understanding myself better. For example, I realized that I loved animals through my best friend because she also had the same love. Many times, she would suggest that we go out to play with pets and I found myself not objecting to her suggestions. This in some way made me understand my love for animals.

Gender-role training can be a straitjacket for both girls and boys. Reflect on the gender messages you received as a child and adolescent. Which ones were particularly restrictive? How did these messages affect the decisions you made in your life? Do you think gender-based messages have changed for more recent cohorts of children and adolescents?

As a young girl, I was always taught to cover my head when going for religious functions because my parents brought me up in the Orthodox Church. We were taught that girls should always cover their heads and I found this to be restrictive in nature. Although it was part of the religion, I didn’t see why people should be forced to cover their head when in places of worship. This habit was transferred even when I attended other religious functions that were not from my religion. For example, I would cover my head even when I attended the Catholic Church in the company of my friends. This is despite the Catholic Church having no such requirement for its members.

The gender messages that children usually receive when they are young have a direct impact on the decisions they make later in life. For example, the coercion to have my head covered at all times has made me rethink the place of religion in my society. I have in effect made a decision that my children shall be exposed to all the main religious beliefs then they can choose which route they wish to follow when they are of adult age. In the recent past, the nature of gender messages has changed and is now less restrictive. It is for example very hard to come across girls being taught how to obey and be submissive to their husbands.

Identify a gender-related issue that you are personally struggling with at the present time. How are you dealing with it? What resources would be helpful for you in dealing with it?

Currently, the fact that cooking is still considered as a preserve for women is disturbing and unfair to women and the girl child. Every girl is born into a society that considers her as a slave to another man who she must cook for to please. It is equally wrong to assume that the man should be the defunct bread winner which means that if he can’t win the bread then he will not be respected in his house. The implication of holding such gender based assumption is that every boy child is born to a society that has tasked him with the responsibility of having to fend for a family that is not existent to him then. He must then work hard all his life if he harbors any chance of getting married and raising a family. To engage the society in alleviating these issues, I’d need a platform on which I can advance this ideology for the betterment of society. In addition, the people should be educated to change the norms and think differently.

How would you assess your own peer status as an elementary school student? As a high school student? What was the most difficult thing you experienced as a child in relation to your peers? What could have made the situation better?

As a child in elementary school, I was quite shy and did not interact very well with other children. I would cry for long any time my parents were separated from me. In high school, I began to open up and had several peers that influenced my friends. I had become better at attracting and maintaining friends and this bettered my high school life.  The most difficult thing to experience as a child was the presence of so many children from different backgrounds and who did not have the same cultural background as I had. The culture shock that I experienced in my boarding school could have been minimized had I been psychologically prepared for such outcomes. If I was more exposed to different people at a younger age, then I would have coped better with the people that I met later on in boarding school. Regardless, I still learned how to interact with them although it took a longer time.

References

Broderick, P. C., & Blewitt, P. (2014). The life span: Human development for helping professionals.

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