Introduction

Understanding ones sexuality is one of the major hurdles in life of human beings. Different people have different versions on how their sexual behavior was developed up to their current status. Life has no specific sexual guidelines and therefore people will take different routes in defining their sex life. In my case, I cannot define the actual incident or moment that defines the starting point of my sex life. Nevertheless, my sexual awareness and understanding has been a continuous process which has developed with age.  It is also imperatives noting that terms of order and timing of my feelings remains vague and blurred but one thing is clear that different occurrences in my lifetime has defined my current sex life. In this paper, I will give a detailed explanation on the major events and occurrences that currently define my sex life. In fat I will explain a sexuality autobiography on how peers, parents, media and religion have influenced the development of my sexuality.

Early childhood

I cannot vividly recall when I realized the difference between the boys and girls body parts. But I can remember that during my early school days, that there was something that attracted me to girls whom we schooled. It is however imperative noting that I only cherished the company of girls rather than that of the fellow boys classmates. I realized that some girls would make me behave in an awkward manner and in some instances I would also blush. My behavior could possibly e influenced by the behavior of other boys in upper classes whom by then had increased sexual awareness. Most of these boys were already sexually active and I would always envy the relationship they had with elder girls. I can remember I once saw a boy in the upper classes doing sexual acts within their classroom during break time. Nevertheless, all this time I had realized that the penis had other roles apart from the normal excretion roles.  Once I found some packets of condoms in the school compound but little did I know how they were used. In fact I ballooned them and was given a thorough beating from my teacher for mistakes I knew not.

My imaginations followed me even at home. I am the first born in my family and my parents showed me great love and always stayed with me whenever I was not in school. My parents loved each other a lot and they would caress and kiss each other even in my presence possibly hoping that I was too young to understand what transpired.  All this time I never noticed something sinister and I could always believe that this was a normal act of parents. At times my mum would kiss me too and thus I saw nothing amiss. I can however recall one morning when my father made love to my mum. By this time, I was still sleeping in their bedroom since they thought that I was too naïve to understand what transpired. As they continued with their sexual pleasures, I could hear my mum make some groans and since I could see any resistance, I definitely knew this was a friendly ‘’fight. ’’ The beaming face from my mum confirmed that the groans and whining was a result of a pleasurable adventure. Nevertheless all this time, I never knew how and what transpires during such moments.

I was also a committed young Christian and I would always attend Sunday school classes. However, our Sunday school teachers would always try to separate girls and boys as we carried out our activities. The teacher would also not allow us to play together and insisted that boys would play with fellow boys while girls were to play with fellow girls. In essence, all my life in early childhood was only based on guesses but I had a clue that there was a distinct difference between boys and girls.

My adolescent life

My adolescence period can be defined as the defining moment of my sex life. This is the stage in my life where I experienced many romantic episodes. My adolescent life exposed me to people of different culture and attitudes. I can recall a moment when I would hear older girls in school discussing about their sexual escapades and once they tried to seduce me to having an affair with them. However, my friend who was a classmate persisted that we should not accept the offer and we decided to run away. However, by this time, I had watched several pornographic movies and at least for now I had realized another role that a penis should play.

It is during my adolescence that I watched different types of pornographic videos with influence of my friends. From watching these movies, I realized that love making and sex were not only for people of different sex. It dawned on me that people of the same sex would become intimate. Continuous watching of these videos would increase my urge for sex and every time I watched them I became horny. Nevertheless, all this time I was still shy and I could not approach a girl for sexual favors. This left me with no options but only to fantasize that I was actually in sexual intercourse. I will never forget this one day when my friend whom we were watching movies with introduced me to masturbation. After understanding this, I would always masturbate every time I felt the urge to have sex. In deed this was a great experience as I would feel very satisfied after such instances.

All this time, my parents were very conservative about sex. Neither my mum my dad would dare tell me much about sex. The only thing I got from them is that I should study hard so that I would get the most beautiful wife. I realized that even my parents treasured the essence of having a good wife. They insisted on the importance of being a learned person who would be able to deal with life situations perfectly. Despite such warnings from my parents, I would always go partying and drinking with fellow teenagers. Every time we would go out, most of my friends already had girlfriends but I had none. I felt isolated and hoped that one day I would manage tuning a girl for sexual favors.

The party sessions and drinking spree continued in my adolescent life and every day out was a day of learning to me. As days went on, I gained courage and I would be able to propose to girls and I made one who really loved me. However, I was always resistant to engage in any sexual affair with the girl since I was afraid of the size of my sex organ. From the pornographic movies I watched, I would always watch porn actors who had really big dicks.  The size of their sex tools made me fear that I would not be able to make a lady satisfied. All this time, I would always masturbate to quench my sexual desires. I was always convinced that no one would ever come to know about my embarrassing behavior. The issue on masturbation was rarely discussed and thus I felt no guilt and it gave me immeasurable pleasure.

All this time, my girlfriend would always ask for sex since she was courageous than I was but I would always decline her request due to fear of the size of my penis. Nevertheless, I can recall one Christmas holiday when we went partying with my friends. On this night, we were totally drunk and after the party everyone went with their girlfriends. Despite the sense of fear that was in my chin, I managed to accept sexual favors from my girlfriend for the first time. This formed the greatest day in my life and I couldn’t imagine me and my friend naked in room. I was very shy and demanded that we must do it in darkness for fear that she should not see my small manhood.  At the end of the intercourse, the girl praised me and thanked me a lot for the pleasure we enjoyed together.

From this day hence forth, my sexual appetite was immeasurable and I would always invite the girl to our home every time my parents were away. At times, the girl would disappoint me and due to sexual urge I would always result to my old behavior of masturbation. My girl also had great taste for sex and at times we would even go for sex parties. By now, I had realized that the size of the manhood did not matter for the sexual pleasures and I accepted my size. I even tried to look for other girls and I felt that by now I had become a sex guru. At times, I would always go out with two to three girls a day for sexual intercourse.  No one had warned me of any risks associated with sex such as health risks.

However, I recall one day that we were invited for a youth conference by our local church. This is a day that also influenced my sex life to the better. During the conference, we were told about the dangers of sex. The issues of sexually transmitted disease and other health risks were extensively discussed in this youth forum. It during this forum that I got sex education that my teachers and parents had failed to tell me about before. For all my life I had not known about having protected sex and during the seminar, we were taught about use of condoms of abstaining from sex. The thorny issue of masturbation which had been disturbing me for wrong was also discussed during this forum.  It is from this experience that I stopped the masturbation and realized that it was a sin. Though I was unable to abstain from sex, I learnt to use condoms to prevent sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy.

Adulthood

In my adulthood, I have sexually active all through. Nevertheless, I have learnt the importance of having safe sex. The number f people I make sex with have been reduced substantially and I have chosen to have one sex partner. With age, my desire to go out in drinking spree and partying with friends has also been significantly reduced. The increased cases of health risks and STDs such as HIV have turned my sex life for the better where i always attend for tests to confirm my status. Nevertheless, my sex urge is still high and I always ensure that I carry a packet of condoms in my pocket to ensure that I am safe just in case I am in a compromising situation. However, I try as much as possible to have self control not to have any irresponsible behavior. I think I am now in the right direction in my sex life and once I get married in the coming years, I will be prepared to make the best sex life. In essence, my sex life has been a long journey that has been made by my exploration, friends, religion, life experiences and parents.

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